So earlier this week, one of my girlfriends said that she gave up on trying to get into a relationship with this guy she liked because he wasn’t interested in her the way she was in him. I looked at her a bit skeptically because I thought they were already an item. Sure they communicated via text, facebook,, viber, phone calls; sure they went out- did fun things like go to the dinner, the cinema and to the beach; sure they were intimidate- probably every time they saw they each other- simple things- holding hands, kissing and *ahem* … But he never once asked her to be in an exclusive relationship and neither has he been able to tell her how he feels; which brings us to the complicated life of a single woman in her thirties.
Despite all those things that they do together, she still didn’t feel like they were in a relationship because the words were never said. Being in a relationship is hard work, but it seems that being single, and being a single 30 something year old female is taboo. Society did not rear the last generation on the openness that is now being inbred in today’s youths. No, society frowned upon a young, successful, single female in her thirties who does not have a husband or children and trust me when i say that my friend is successful- in terms of career and education, she also has a son, whom she dotes upon. But being single is not easy for her, not only because of what she thinks society thinks she should have but because what she herself wants- love, companionship and someone to be there for her.
I think in relationships, we take these things for granted- especially when we are younger. Nothing is wrong with my friend, she looks fantastic, is down to earth, smart, funny, compassionate… and yet still the man she likes and wants to be in a relationship with won’t come out and say what is what. Now I know what you’re thinking, if she is so great why doesn’t she just go with someone else? Many a guy has asked her out and she dated for a while, but she wants something more than just a casual fling, or a one night stand and the guys who were dating her, that’s all they wanted. Then BAM, she meets this guy, and they click, I mean if you see them together, he makes her happy and he is always smiling around her. While my personal belief is that he does like and appreciate her, I think he has his own issues to work out and until he does, they will not be anything more than what they are now.
Dating in your thirties is difficult, no lie especially with societal expectations, and worse yet with the fact that most men in that age bracket (at least locally) are already married or in committed relationships. So in her fear to join the dating pool again and let go of the man she likes, she instead decides to stay by herself again for a while. Someone else may decide to confront the guy while someone else may just dive back into the dating pool. There is no one set answer to this dilemma. All one can do, is know what you want and make conscious steps towards achieving it.